A Quick Synopsis:

Step 1: Find out what the donor really wants to fund (wiretapping, electronic surveillance, trash content analysis, dream interpretation, hypnosis, dating insiders and reading the funder’s guidelines are all acceptable means to gather this information).

 
Step 2: Write a proposal that asks for funding making certain that you say exactly what the funder wants to hear. Repeatedly praise the funder for their infinite wisdom. Suppress any nagging sense of integrity or pride.

 
Step 3: Call the donor 18 seconds after you’ve sent your proposal to advise them that you’ll be grovelling by the phone 24/7 in case they have any questions. Assure them that you’re very very flexible with the proposal’s content.

 
Step 4: Cross your toes and pray to the Great Criteria Creator.

If you wish to be added to our list of Perferred Proposals from Principals without Principles (otherwise known as Our Good Friends at the Trough), you can report a Wild Gifthorse.